Some Rambling and Some Pictures

I haven't written in a week.  Not, I haven't posted in a week, no, I haven't even been writing.  It feels a little strange after the binge I was on there for a while.  I've got to get back in the groove. 

It's not even that I've had writer's block or anything, I just haven't done it.  Not really out of laziness, or lack of motivation, just nothing. 

I have been working a little bit on the new blog.  I did complete the tasks I gave myself last week!  Yay!  I bought the domain name (not telling cause there's nothing there yet!) and got hosting up and running and downloaded WordPress.  So, getting somewhere.  I'm still a little hung up on themes though, not sure if I should suck it up and buy a paid one, or use a free one.  Also, logo design, need to do that. 

Sorry for the to-do list, I do that sometimes.

Just so this isn't a completely worthless (to you anyway!) post, here are a couple of underwater pictures from Roatan.  And have a great day!

The Drive to DO Something

Monday was a bad day.  Mentally and physically. 

I mentioned that I've been doing a lot of soul-searching lately.  I've known for a long time that I'm not the type of person that is cut out for working in a cubicle day after day, plugging away for someone else, just for good pay and benefits.  I mean, that's what I've been doing for the past 12 years since I've been out of high school, but that doesn't mean that I've necessarily been happy about it.  I've done it because that's what I was told I was supposed to do.  Get good grades in school, go to college (preferably for something "worthwhile"), get a full-time job, get good benefits, go to work every day.  You're not supposed to like it, but that's what life is about.  Make more money, buy the bigger house, if you can't afford a nice one, get a fixer-upper and work on that for years at a time, sell it, do it all over again, only with a bigger and slightly more expensive house.  Oh yeah, you're supposed to get married and have kids while doing this too. 

This does not sound appealing to me.  I've rebelled a little against this so called "status quo", but without a whole lot of courage.  I went to college, but studied Fine Art instead of nursing or teaching or business, or whatever else I "should" have.  I got married but haven't had kids yet.  We bought the house, but haven't upgraded, even though we could technically afford something bigger and fancier.

I've always been afraid, it's the only way I've ever known, but lately, something inside me is cracking.  I'm not generally a person who gets depressed, but every day it gets just a little harder to get up and go in to do a job that I have no desire to do, no passion for.  Sure, I do a good job, but with no joy.  I have to do something else. Soon.

So what now?  Where do I go from here?  I've been obsessively reading blogs of passionate individuals, doing what they love to do, and while it inspires me, I'm still terrified. I can't just up and quit my job, we need the benefits, the money, the security.  My husband is self employed, it's stupid to think of not staying here, where I have a good job making good money (I just got another raise) with decent benefits.  I'm at a point where I don't know what I want to do, but I know it's not this.

My husband has always said, that the happiest people do more for others than they do for themselves.  I'll be the first to admit that we don't live by this enough.  But, every time we travel, it gives us more and more perspective on it.  The kindness and generosity of strangers and people who have a fraction of what we have (not just us, everyone) in this country, is incredibly overwhelming and emotional.  Every time we come back from vacation, it feels a little more wrong to keep doing the same thing.
I want to do more, I NEED to do more.  I just don't know where to start.

Seriously? October?

Wow, where did September get to? How is it October already? Apparently it was a busy month and I let it slip away from me, funny how that happens, huh? Am I really going to write every sentence as a question?

Nah, but Honduras pictures and recap are coming, along with a wrap up of the 30 Before 30 list, and maybe some changes around here if I can stop being such a procrastinator. I've been doing a lot of reading and soul searching lately. We'll see where that takes me, I'm nervous, but excited!

Shoot Me Now, Or Why I Hate Shopping for Jeans

I finally found a couple pairs of jeans today, and I only had to try on about 10 pairs this time.  This is probably the 4th time that I've went shopping for jeans in the last 6 months and only the first time that I've been successful.

I'm only slightly exaggerating when I say I'd rather be shot than go shopping for jeans.  Maybe just with a paintball gun.  Something painful, but not actually dangerous.  Ugh.

I always say that I go to try on jeans until I either find a pair or become homicidal.  There's a reason I only have 2 pairs of jeans that fit me.

Also, while I'm complaining, I've been working out 3-4 times a week (that's the good part!) for the last 5 weeks and not lost 1 pound!  Not one!!  While I can tell that my muscles are firming up, the problem areas are not improving, and again, no weight loss whatsoever.  It's so frustrating.  I'm glad that at least I am physically feeling better, with more energy, or I'd have no motivation at all to keep at it. 

I thought 2 months would be a reasonable amount of time to at least look semi-presentable in a swimsuit when we go to Honduras.  The goal was only 5 pounds, 10 tops and firming up.  Doesn't look like I'm going to make it.  How annoying.

Writer's Block Again...

I've been picking at a couple of blog posts for the last several days and I just can't put together a cohesive post.  So here's a random list:

- I joined the gym again.  I've just been so tired lately, it's kind of the last thing I want to do, but I think that there's a good chance that it will make me feel better and give me some more energy.  Hopefully, it will lead to more motivation as well.
-I always forget how much I actually like running.  About a half hour after I finish running, I'm wanting to go again.
-I'm still trying to figure out what to do about selling my photos.  If Etsy is my best bet, or if I should set up an separate website like Mpix that will print and ship the pictures directly.
-Gil the cat is growing really fast.  She has probably doubled in size in the last 2 and a half weeks.  And she's mildly psychotic, I keep threatening to sell her to the circus if she doesn't stop being so crazy!  Any time I'm on the computer, reading, knitting, she has to "help".  Usually by jumping on the buttons or biting my needles or chewing on the end of the book.  That's when she's not biting me! 
-I know I've mentioned our next trip in passing, but we're heading to Roatan, Honduras, for the big 3-0 birthday in September!  I'm really excited to spend my birthday on the beach!  We'll be doing lots of diving, taking pictures, and relaxing.  We're staying at Anthony's Key Resort, and have some friends and family going, so it should be a really good time!

Nothing too exciting, but I'm trying to keep up on 2 or 3 posts a week!  Just gotta shake this writer's block!

Coming Soon To This Space:

Blogging.  Actual blogging!  I mean it this time!  I have so much to write about!  Recipes, a new furry family member, some diving, some knitting, some pictures and an upcoming trip.  I promise, July will have some posts.  See you tomorrow!

Happy June!

Wow, didn't mean to let this much time get away from me without posting.  Been busy, but, not THAT busy!  Short update for now, I'm wanting to make some major changes to the blog so it doesn't jump around so much.  Maybe different sections for diving, knitting, photography, and "everything else"?  Still trying to decide what I want.  I just feel like "Knit N' Diver" doesn't cover everything, that I talk to much about other stuff, for the title to be appropriate.  I'm just not quite sure what to do.  I want to start promoting and selling my photos, but don't want it to be a promotional only website, but don't really have the time to maintain another one.  I'm thinking about opening an Etsy shop for that, but still working on a name for that as well.  Sorry for the rambling post, but just wanted to put it out there that I'm still around, just figuring out which direction to go.  Any suggestions are greatly welcomed!

Linky Love Fest

Since I am tired and a little cranky today, I thought I should list some of the things that I love right now.  Maybe it will put me in a better mindset for the day.  So here goes!

• The Pioneer Woman-I've been reading her Black Heels to Tractor Wheels love story, and have been sucked into her website.  She's got great (if not necessarily healthy!) recipes and fantastic pictures and contests.  Good stuff, it cheers me up.
• Caffeine-I think that pretty much says it all!  We have a coffee shop here in the building and I try to limit myself to "Fancy Coffee Friday" and bring my coffee the rest of the week, but today, I needed a mocha, and treated myself to a $3.59 iced peppermint mocha.  It was totally worth it.  Plus I packed my lunch today, so I don't feel as bad!
• Liberty of London for Target-I love the patterns so much!  And the prices aren't bad either.  This weekend I bought this cute new bag for $16.99!  I desperately needed a new bag and this one is the perfect size, has a couple pocket inside and has the fun pink lining, making it great for spring. Oh, and apparently Purl Soho has Tana Lawn Liberty of London fabric to buy online!  How did I not know this!?
• My husband-I probably should have put him first, oops.  He's been wonderful lately, despite some family issues going on and being extremely busy workwise.  I'll even forgive him for crabbing at me this morning to get out of bed, this time.
• Twitter-I think I've developed an unhealthy obsession with Twitter lately.  I've even (mostly) forsaken Facebook for it.
• My Striped Noro scarf-I just love the color changes.  Even though it's getting warm out and I won't need a scarf for several months, it's still a fun, easy knit.  And I don't hate the 1x1 ribbing like I thought I would!
• Morel mushrooms-mmmm, come on rain, I need some more!  We found 4 good sized ones this weekend and I fried them up and ate them like potato chips.  I even shared a couple bites with the husband.  But only a couple. 

Well, what do you know?  I do feel better!  Have a great day!

On Randomness

I've been kind of avoiding posting lately because I feel like my posts are so random sometimes.  And I wonder if people are annoyed by that.  I'm just good at randomness.  It's how my brain works.  But I read so many good blogs and they're so much more focused than most of my posts.  I wonder if I posted more often, maybe shorter, more focused posts, if it would be more readable?  It's just hard finding the time to post, especially post with pictures, between work and home life.  So, I don't know, maybe I'll try the shorter, less random posting, just more often.  I know I do have to post pics of the bag that I made for my friend's birthday.  And pics from my grandma's house of the collapsed barn.  Oh, and the progress on my roman shades for my office.  So there's stuff to post about, maybe it just needs to be spread over a couple of posts.

Oh yeah, and diving season is starting soon!  (or if you're crazy like me, it already has)

See, there's no stopping the random.

Creativity and Mistakes

Lately I've just been feeling in a rut. Not unhappy, just bored. I don't know if it's the weather, or traveling and coming back, or what, but I just need some new inspiration. I happened across this article: The Wisdom of Mistakes and it kind of gave me a kick in the butt to do something.  I've been feeling creative lately, with a zillion projects running through my head.  From sewing and knitting to painting and drawing, I just want to do something.  My problem is my perfectionism when it comes to projects, I don't want to do it wrong, so I have a hard time starting, and then I have a hard time finishing them, for the same reason.  I'm afraid the project won't turn out the way I see it in my head.  Of course it won't, it almost never does, but it doesn’t mean that it’s not worth doing, and learning something in the process, and still producing something that you’re happy with.  I need to just get on with it, enjoy the creating and worry less about the end result.  So, I've got a couple of projects I plan to do over the next couple of weeks; pillow covers, a bag, a skirt for myself, learn some embroidery.  Wish me luck!

Stuff Going On:

I really don't have any good reason for not blogging lately, I just haven't!  I have been working on the appearance of my blog, you may notice the header change and a slight color change.  Also made it 3 columns instead of the default 2.  I struggled with that last night, I just don't know enough about HTML yet!  I'm starting to understand reading it, but just can't write it, just like Spanish!  Anyway, as the title says, I have stuff going on...

Ravelympics:  Made some progress in my Duchess Raglan Sweater, bound off stitches last night and will start the sleeves tonight.  I might just finish this thing!  Hmmm, probably shouldn't say that, now I've jinxed it!

Diving: Jeff and I went ice diving this past Saturday at Whitestar Quarry.  Had a lot of fun, saw friends and fellow divers that I hadn't seen in a while, but got super cold!  I know, shocking, on an ice dive, but last year I didn't get nearly as cold.  I made a rookie cold water diver mistake, letting myself get cold before I get in the water.  I learned that you should have all of your exposure gear on before putting on your fins and maybe wear one layer less on my feet, I think they got constricted and that's why they got so cold.  I have a big issue with asking for help, in all aspects, but in diving, especially being a woman and an instructor.  I feel like I have to be completely self sufficient and be able to do everything myself.  I hate asking for anyone to help me get gear on or hand me something if I drop it.  I feel so helpless when people have to help me do something I feel like I should be able to do myself.  I need to realize that ice diving is different, it's a lot harder to do anything.  You've got more weight on, full exposure gear, meaning less flexibility, usually an additional tank slung, throwing off your buoyancy.  Plus, you've got a rope around you, it's below freezing outside and you're trying to do everything with lobster claw gloves on.  Yeah, it's not terribly easy, and I still feel incompetent if I can't do it all myself.  Oh well, guess it's something I need to work on.  Anyway, it was a great time and here are a couple of pictures from the day, think warm thoughts when you're looking at them!

Happy New Year!

Again, I apologize for the snarky last post, I just tend to have a low tolerance for common sense deficiencies. It's one of my biggest pet peeves, that and bad driving. The parking situation combined both! LOL! Anyway, I didn't want that to be my last post for 2009. So, Happy New Year to you and yours. I hope 2010 brings you good health and happiness. What am I doing for New Year's Eve you ask? Well, I'm finishing 2009 watching "How Do They Do It?" on the Science Channel with my husband, dog, knitting, and Dos Equis. I know party animals!

(BTW, I'm wearing my fabulous purple Malabrigo Clapotis and working on a knitted cover for my Kindle)(I'm making up the Kindle cover pattern as I go, I'll post it when I'm done)(So there, knitting content! LOL)

OMG!! Snow!! In Ohio!! Must be a sign of the apocalypse!

I so wish that I had a picture of the parking lot here at work. I just cannot understand how someone could look how people have parked, blocking others in and repeat it. I know, "ooh, scary snow on the parking lot, I can't see the lines!", but you park here every day, and the lines are still in the same places. Hmm, maybe some thought could be put into where you should park. Let me draw you a picture of the parking lot and how people have intelligently parked their vehicles:

Fear my mad Paint skillz! Anyway, so the straight lines are parking spaces, and the oblong, pill shaped objects are supposed to be cars. So, there are permanent light posts around which are parking spaces. You'd think that people might use them as a reference, even though you can't see the lines on the parking lot. Also, you'd think that after one, or maybe 2 rows of cars got blocked in, by 4 deep parking, that people would notice, "Hey, if I park here, I might get blocked in!" But no, that would require some thought, and seeing as today is the last day of work before a long weekend and nobody wants to be here, no sense was used in parking. Just a bunch of lemmings following the first person who didn't think. Sorry for the snark, I'm not really upset (by the way, my car was one of the bottom ones, that had to be moved so that others could get out), it was actually pretty funny. I just don't know why I'm consistently surprised by people's reactions to the snow, especially driving in it. We're in OHIO, it snows here multiple times each year, why does it seem that everyone has to freak out about it!?

Twilight-Mania!!! Oh, and Other Stuff Too

Okay, so I resisted the cult for all this time, but I've officially been sucked in. Ha, that pun was completely unintentional, but I'm keeping it! My friend J has been harassing me to read the books for months and months, and I just kept saying, "No, I don't get this whole Twilight thing." And she would say, "Just read them and you'll get it!" So the trailer for "New Moon" starts in heavy rotation and my interest gets piqued. So I borrow the first 2 books. I fly through the first one in 3 days. Put off the second one until I know that I have time to finish it in a couple days, start in on Thursday night, finish it Sunday morning. Monday, I went over to her apartment to get the other 2 books and the Twilight movie. Watched it last night. Reluctantly, I have to admit, okay, I get it. Damnit. I get it. Man, I hate it when she's right.
Oh, and we're going to go see "New Moon" on Saturday-yay!

Now back to the regularly scheduled blog post, sorry for the silly Twilight interruption. :-)
Well, I'm still knitting Christmas gifts, and someday, I might actually take pictures! It's just hard when you've worked all day, it's dark when you get home, then you have to think about dinner and laundry and cleaning. By the time I'm done, it's usually 6:30-7 and I just want to plop down in the recliner, knit or read and talk to my husband. Then there's always stuff going on on the weekends. I'll get around to it one of these days. Probably.

Oh! I wanted to mention that we got our ipods fixed! This is a big deal because a.)we love our ipods and b.)one has been broken for over a year, and the other one for about 6 months. We are super excited to get them back in working order. I found a site online: Repair Guys that you can send them your ipod for a free diagnostic (you just pay the shipping to them), they tell you what's wrong with it and how much it will cost to fix it. If you agree to the repair, they fix it, send you a PayPal invoice, and send it back to you. It was so easy! It cost like 7 bucks to ship (that was with $200 insurance), and $140 for a new LCD screen, hard drive and battery for one and a battery for the other. And they did all of the labor, and shipped it back. I sent them out and got them back in less than 2 weeks! So I HIGHLY recommend their services if you need an ipod fixed. K, that's my consumer report for the week!

Cranky

• I hate when my pant legs get wet. Today is worse though, I have wool pants on, and now I smell like a wet sheep. Sweet.
• Why am I hungry again!? I ate a butt-load of protein for lunch, at 1:45, its only 3:15!!
• I don't deal with being hungry very well, I get cranky.
• Work is also ticking me off. Why can't people just respond to emails the first time? No, it apparently takes 3 to get anything accomplished.
• No, I didn't work out last night, and I folded like wet cardboard and got freaking Wendy's for dinner on the way home. I couldn't resist the call of the Bacon Deluxe, I'm weak.
• That's it, I'm going for chocolate.
• Mmmm, all better.
• I'm totally working out tonight though!
• Everything's better with bullet points, dontcha think?

My Life in Bullet Points

Hopefully I'll feel like posting from home soon, with pictures, just haven't felt like it when I get home.

• My grandfather passed away May 21, 2009.
• We almost lost our old dog Dexter 4 days before that.
• I planted a garden this year and just harvested spinach from it last night.
• We leave for Florida to go cavern diving for 3 days and reef diving on the Gulf for 2 days.
• In knitting news, June is officially Finish My UFO's month: finished a washcloth that has been sitting in my basket since December; February Lady sweater just needs buttons, ends woven in and washed/blocked.
• I've been reading like a fiend for some reason lately, finished Sarah's Key in 2 days and The Time Traveller's Wife in 5, now I'm a hundred pages into The Historian.
• My co-worker was fired yesterday, meaning work is going to be stressful for a while.
• We've dove a couple of times, but nothing super exciting, and no pictures.
• Obscene amounts of caffeine is the only thing getting me through the work day.
• I haven't been working out. At all.
• That's all for now