So Who the Heck Am I?

So it appears the first step on this whole personal journey thing, is to figure out who I am, really. 
I've been reading and writing like crazy lately.  I'm completely unsettled.  I'm pretty sure that's a good thing.  Although it can be a little annoying that I can't slow my brain down, there's a part of me that hopes that it doesn't!

I know a few things:

• I need a new home online - a new blog that represents my journey a little bit better.
• I need to keep writing.
• I need to stay motivated.
• I need to love what I'm writing about, so I can do the last two
• I need to figure out how to make at least a little money at it
• I need a NAME!

A few things I don't know:

• I love travel, diving, cooking, gardening, photography, living a simpler life, knitting - can I integrate all/most of these things without it being too much or all over the place?
• A blog name!! 
• Lots of other stuff

Well, I'm getting somewhere, I think.  The one I'm struggling with the most is that blog name one.  I know I need something more general than knit n' diver, because that puts it in too small of a niche, and I don't really talk that much about knitting anymore anyway.  But I don't want to use my real name, nobody will ever find it!  So that's where I'm stuck.  Any suggestions?

The Drive to DO Something

Monday was a bad day.  Mentally and physically. 

I mentioned that I've been doing a lot of soul-searching lately.  I've known for a long time that I'm not the type of person that is cut out for working in a cubicle day after day, plugging away for someone else, just for good pay and benefits.  I mean, that's what I've been doing for the past 12 years since I've been out of high school, but that doesn't mean that I've necessarily been happy about it.  I've done it because that's what I was told I was supposed to do.  Get good grades in school, go to college (preferably for something "worthwhile"), get a full-time job, get good benefits, go to work every day.  You're not supposed to like it, but that's what life is about.  Make more money, buy the bigger house, if you can't afford a nice one, get a fixer-upper and work on that for years at a time, sell it, do it all over again, only with a bigger and slightly more expensive house.  Oh yeah, you're supposed to get married and have kids while doing this too. 

This does not sound appealing to me.  I've rebelled a little against this so called "status quo", but without a whole lot of courage.  I went to college, but studied Fine Art instead of nursing or teaching or business, or whatever else I "should" have.  I got married but haven't had kids yet.  We bought the house, but haven't upgraded, even though we could technically afford something bigger and fancier.

I've always been afraid, it's the only way I've ever known, but lately, something inside me is cracking.  I'm not generally a person who gets depressed, but every day it gets just a little harder to get up and go in to do a job that I have no desire to do, no passion for.  Sure, I do a good job, but with no joy.  I have to do something else. Soon.

So what now?  Where do I go from here?  I've been obsessively reading blogs of passionate individuals, doing what they love to do, and while it inspires me, I'm still terrified. I can't just up and quit my job, we need the benefits, the money, the security.  My husband is self employed, it's stupid to think of not staying here, where I have a good job making good money (I just got another raise) with decent benefits.  I'm at a point where I don't know what I want to do, but I know it's not this.

My husband has always said, that the happiest people do more for others than they do for themselves.  I'll be the first to admit that we don't live by this enough.  But, every time we travel, it gives us more and more perspective on it.  The kindness and generosity of strangers and people who have a fraction of what we have (not just us, everyone) in this country, is incredibly overwhelming and emotional.  Every time we come back from vacation, it feels a little more wrong to keep doing the same thing.
I want to do more, I NEED to do more.  I just don't know where to start.

My 30 Before 30 List - The Wrap-Up

Well, technically since my 30th birthday was a little over a week ago, I'm calling this the wrap up, but I'm not calling it finished. For obvious reasons. They're still things I want to accomplish, soon, so maybe I'll stretch it out, and hopefully I can actually get 30 things on it!

1. Get my Mandarin fish tattoo - would love to get this, but still sort of undecided on the location of the tattoo, and it's expensive (and I'm a cheapskate).
2. Sew myself a wearable skirt - only laziness to blame for this if I'm being honest with myself, well, that and my irrational phobia of cutting into fabric.
3. Sell at least 1 of my photographs - I think I'm going to work through RedBubble for this, I'll have a link up soon to my portfolio.
4. Paint again (canvas, not walls) - just haven't felt inspired to pick up a paintbrush, the camera has been my biggest source of artistic expression lately.
5. Embroider a pillowcase - ooh, just got a fantastic book - Embroidery Companion: Classic Designs for Modern Living by Alicia Paulson of Posie Gets Cozy, I intend to work on this as the weather gets colder.
6. Preserve vegetables that I’ve grown in my garden - I actually did really well with this.  I froze several bags of green beans, at least 7 two-cup bags of shredded zucchini, some cherry tomatoes, red peppers and jalepenos.  I also ventured into pickling and pickled 3 jars of green cherry tomatoes. Which, by the way are excellent, here's the recipe I used.
7. Go to a stitch and bitch or knitting group - was too shy to do this yet.
8. Volunteer - I have recently talked to a person at the Ohio Wildlife Center to start volunteering with the wild animal rescue center there, and hopefully mentor with her and learn to handle the animals and teach.
9. Run a 5K - still want to do this, but nowhere near the fitness level I need to be.
10. Read at least 5 books on my bookshelves (preferably that I haven’t read before) - Getting there, but still have a little ways to go.  The intention was originally to read five books so that I can get rid of them, however, two of the books below are Kindle books. I'm still counting them as I'm glad to have actually been completing books. I still would like to get several more books out of my house though.

• Completed books: 


• 1.Poisonwood Bible - Barbara Kinsgsolver
• 2. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
• 3.The Princess Bride -William Goldman (in progress)
• 4. Winter's Bone-Daniel Woodrell

11. Invest some money for retirement (auto 401K with work does not count) - opened a Roth IRA on ShareBuilder, but haven't moved any money there yet.
12. Yarn Diet-knit down my stash - success! sort of, I haven't brought any new yarn into the house, but, I didn't do a whole lot of knitting this summer. For some reason, during the summer, I don't knit as much, I think there's just too much else going on outside. But, I did finish a couple of projects, and only started one, and it was with stash yarn.
13. Bake and frost a layer cake from scratch - talked about this and have pictures here.

14. Sell or give away 50 things that I currently own - success with this as well! Got rid of quite a few articles of clothing, shoes, makeup, books. Just as importantly, I didn't add much to replace them.
15. Paint the hutch in the dining room - no, but I got it cleaned out fairly well. I'm still up in the air as to what I want to do with it. I kind of want to get rid of it/sell it, because it takes up quite a bit of space, but, it also has a lot of storage, so, I'm torn.
16. Get into an exercise routine - I feel pretty good about this one, and am proud of the fact that I have been working out 3-4 times a week for the last three months. I really enjoy it now too!


All in all, I'm not completely satisfied with my progress, but I want to keep at it. Wish me luck! Anybody else have a list? Leave me a link in the comments, I'd love to see it!

**Disclaimer-the Amazon links are affiliate links, just FYI.**

Seriously? October?

Wow, where did September get to? How is it October already? Apparently it was a busy month and I let it slip away from me, funny how that happens, huh? Am I really going to write every sentence as a question?

Nah, but Honduras pictures and recap are coming, along with a wrap up of the 30 Before 30 list, and maybe some changes around here if I can stop being such a procrastinator. I've been doing a lot of reading and soul searching lately. We'll see where that takes me, I'm nervous, but excited!

Getting Serious On You

I know I don't usually touch on "serious issues", but I recently read a post by Sarah {The Student Knitter} about women and our weight issues, and it really hit home for me.  If you've been reading here for any length of time, I talk about working out and diets and my struggles occasionally, most recently, here.  Growing up, I was always the girl who could eat what I wanted and not worry about my weight.  I naturally had a fast metabolism, and just by luck, I had good genetics.  In the last year, it seems my metabolism slowed considerably, and I've put on 20 pounds. Yeah, I know, 20 pounds doesn't seem like much to a lot of people, but when you're only 5 foot tall, and take into account my prior weight, it's a 20% gain.  And it feels like a lot to me.  It probably shouldn't, but it does.  At first, when the weight started to creep on, it didn't bother me much, I joked about it.  But as it crept up to 20 pounds and stuck, and my clothes weren't fitting, it started to bother me more and more.  I would look in the mirror and really not like what I was seeing.  I would talk about dieting and working out, but, I'm not exactly known for my willpower, and the exercising would last maybe a couple of weeks, and the dieting, well, maybe a couple of days. 

It goes back to judging our worth or attractiveness by our pants size, or the number on the scale, and that sucks.  Why has it become more acceptable to complain about our weight and appearance than to be happy about it.  How many women do you know would say that they're fine with their appearance?  I don't think I know any.  What would you think if they did?  Would you be surprised?  Proud? Jealous? Think that they're lying? Or conceited?

Anyway, sorry to get all serious on you, but it just got me thinking.  Now I'm actually starting to enjoy working out, and I've stuck with it for almost 2 months now.  Even though I've only lost about a pound and a half, I feel better, stronger and healthier.  Maybe that number on the scale isn't so important.

A Redneck* Good Time

 *Disclaimer-I can describe this as redneck, as I am one.

The other night, Jeff and I were sitting on the couch, doing nothing, when he turns and asks me, "Hey, it's a nice night, why don't we take the 4-wheeler out to your grandparents?"  I tell him, "Only if I can take my camera, it's almost sunset." (sunset = great light)  So, we load 'er up, and head out.  We take it across the creek and I get off to start walking and take pictures, and he takes off to go fast.

I snap a couple of pictures in the amazing light.  He takes a couple of laps around the pasture, then comes back to trade places with me.  I take a quick cruise, and we both remember how much fun the 4-wheeler is.  It doesn't get out much anymore, so we tend to forget.  We've talked about selling it lately, but I think that will get pushed out again.

There's also a little sentimental value in the 4-wheeler.  4-wheeling is actually how Jeff and I started dating.  I ran into a friend from high school at another friend's baby shower and got invited to go hang out and ride 4-wheelers with her and her fiance and Jeff.  I wasn't doing anything else that evening and it sounded like fun, so off I went.  I ended up having a good time, and Jeff was fun to be around, but didn't think much about it.  Three weeks later, while I'm at work, I get a voice mail on my phone from Jeff, asking me out.  I was shocked!  Not in a bad way, but I hadn't given him my number, or gotten any kind of vibe from him that he was interested in me.  He had sought out my number himself and got up the nerve to ask me out.  So I got my nerve up to call him back and go out with him.  And nine years later, we're still together.

I'm a few days late, but the anniversary of that first date was August 3rd.  Happy Anniversary Jeff, I can't wait to have many more years of hillbilly fun with you!

The Baby of the Family

As I mentioned yesterday, we have a new furry family member!  Internet, meet Gilboa (otherwise known as Gil):

 She is a teeny, tiny, 10 week old kitten that according to the vet, only weighs 1 pound, 5 ounces.  She is a sweet and wild little snuggle-bunny, and we just love her to death.  She's easy to lose though!  When she is running around the house, if you take your eyes off of her for a minute she's gone!  She likes to hide under the recliner, behind the tv, in the coat closet, and apparently, in the broiler.  That's where we found her last night.  She was going into the space between the refrigerator and stove, and since we have the cheapest stove you can buy, the broiler has some open space in the back.  So, we opened the broiler drawer to find her hanging out there!  Needless to say, the space is now blocked off.

You may be wondering where the name Gilboa came from; we snagged her from Gilboa Quarry, a place where we dive fairly frequently, including this past weekend (which is a story in itself, I'll tell that soon).  The owner, Mike, always has cats running around there and she was this tiny little thing that was always nearby and wanting attention.  And we had been talking about getting a kitten on and off lately, so, she came home with us!  Plus the name kinda suits her personality! 

Murphy wants desperately to be friends with her, but Gil isn't quite sure yet.  Gil is interested in Murphy, but still a little afraid of her. Who could blame her?  Murphy is almost 75 times her size!  I predict that they will be best buds within the next week or so.  I'll keep you posted!

Coming Soon To This Space:

Blogging.  Actual blogging!  I mean it this time!  I have so much to write about!  Recipes, a new furry family member, some diving, some knitting, some pictures and an upcoming trip.  I promise, July will have some posts.  See you tomorrow!

Happy June!

Wow, didn't mean to let this much time get away from me without posting.  Been busy, but, not THAT busy!  Short update for now, I'm wanting to make some major changes to the blog so it doesn't jump around so much.  Maybe different sections for diving, knitting, photography, and "everything else"?  Still trying to decide what I want.  I just feel like "Knit N' Diver" doesn't cover everything, that I talk to much about other stuff, for the title to be appropriate.  I'm just not quite sure what to do.  I want to start promoting and selling my photos, but don't want it to be a promotional only website, but don't really have the time to maintain another one.  I'm thinking about opening an Etsy shop for that, but still working on a name for that as well.  Sorry for the rambling post, but just wanted to put it out there that I'm still around, just figuring out which direction to go.  Any suggestions are greatly welcomed!

Linky Love Fest

Since I am tired and a little cranky today, I thought I should list some of the things that I love right now.  Maybe it will put me in a better mindset for the day.  So here goes!

• The Pioneer Woman-I've been reading her Black Heels to Tractor Wheels love story, and have been sucked into her website.  She's got great (if not necessarily healthy!) recipes and fantastic pictures and contests.  Good stuff, it cheers me up.
• Caffeine-I think that pretty much says it all!  We have a coffee shop here in the building and I try to limit myself to "Fancy Coffee Friday" and bring my coffee the rest of the week, but today, I needed a mocha, and treated myself to a $3.59 iced peppermint mocha.  It was totally worth it.  Plus I packed my lunch today, so I don't feel as bad!
• Liberty of London for Target-I love the patterns so much!  And the prices aren't bad either.  This weekend I bought this cute new bag for $16.99!  I desperately needed a new bag and this one is the perfect size, has a couple pocket inside and has the fun pink lining, making it great for spring. Oh, and apparently Purl Soho has Tana Lawn Liberty of London fabric to buy online!  How did I not know this!?
• My husband-I probably should have put him first, oops.  He's been wonderful lately, despite some family issues going on and being extremely busy workwise.  I'll even forgive him for crabbing at me this morning to get out of bed, this time.
• Twitter-I think I've developed an unhealthy obsession with Twitter lately.  I've even (mostly) forsaken Facebook for it.
• My Striped Noro scarf-I just love the color changes.  Even though it's getting warm out and I won't need a scarf for several months, it's still a fun, easy knit.  And I don't hate the 1x1 ribbing like I thought I would!
• Morel mushrooms-mmmm, come on rain, I need some more!  We found 4 good sized ones this weekend and I fried them up and ate them like potato chips.  I even shared a couple bites with the husband.  But only a couple. 

Well, what do you know?  I do feel better!  Have a great day!

Stop Procrastinating!

First off, update on my 30 (ok, 15) before 30 list:
1. Get my Mandarin fish tattoo-looking for an artist that does great color work, I need to start asking around for referrals
2. Sew myself a wearable skirt-have the fabric, have the book, just need to get sewing!
3. Sell at least 1 of my photographs-still working on how to go about doing that.  I just sent some pictures to Cord Camera to be printed.  Once I get them framed, I'll go to the little gift shop in town to see if she would sell them on consignment.  Or submit them to stock photo sites.  Still need more research on it.
4. Paint again (canvas, not walls)-again, have the materials, just need to do it!
5. Embroider a pillowcase-need a pillowcase to embroider!
6. Preserve vegetables that I’ve grown in my garden-only have a few things planted, it's still just too cold here in Ohio, this will be later this summer.
7. Go to a stitch and bitch or knitting group-haven't even looked, I know there are some here in Columbus, just need to go.
8. Volunteer-I need to call my connection for the Columbus Zoo and SECORE.
9. Run a 5K-yeah, I'm just lazy, need to start running, but I don't wanna!
10. Read at least 5 books on my bookshelves (preferably that I haven’t read before)-well, I'm still trying to get through 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea on my Kindle, but it's SLOOOOW going!
11. Invest some money for retirement (auto 401K with work does not count)-opened a Traditional IRA account.  Need to move money into it and change my investments on my rollover IRA so I can actually make more than $7 a year!  Yes, that's all I made last year on about $1500.  Depressing.
12. Yarn Diet-Knit down my stash-doing really well with this one!  I haven't bought any yarn and have been knitting on my Spring is Here socks with yarn I got for my birthday.  I also have plans to make some washcloths with all the cotton I have stashed.
13. Bake and frost a layer cake from scratch-nothing, but I've been doing more baking lately...
14. Sell or give away 50 things that I currently own-went through closets yesterday and have 34 items that I am donating!  This total may actually increase! (of course, I don't want to jinx myself!)
15. Paint the hutch in the dining room-have kinda, sorta started to go through and purge the hutch, instead of having a junk drawer, we have a junk hutch.  So, it needs to be cleaned out.

Well, doesn't look so great, but hey, I still have 5 months to go, I just need to hold myself accountable, hopefully this blog will help!  I'm just a terrible procrastinator, I sometimes need a kick in the behind!

Speaking of procrastinating... what's for dinner?!

I Should...

• Go run
• Be cooking dinner
• Look at pictures, edit
• Take pictures
• Work on the other computer and try to get it virus free and working correctly
• Vacuum
• Change laundry
• Blog - wait, I'm doing that one!  except, not anything worthwhile, just dropping in to make sure you know I'm still alive
• Put together a database and get Jeff's financial work stuff together
• Probably lots of other things that I can't think of right now

What I feel like doing:

• sleeping
• napping
• resting
• did I mention sleeping? yep, that's covered

Blah.  But here's a pic of Murphy the monkey:

She's so happy and energetic.  I want to be like her when I grow up...

30 Before 30?

So, today, March 24th is the 6 month mark before I turn 30 in September.  After reading this post on the Sew Liberated blog, I've been thinking about a 30 Things to Do Before I Turn 30 list.  However, I'm not sure I can come up with 30 things that are doable in the next 6 months!  I have a Bucket List of things to do before I die, (just popped it up there at the top of the page-and here), but things to get done in the next 6 months is definitely harder.  Hmmm, gonna have to think about that a little more.

I Need Finishitis

So, I'm a good starter of projects, but not such a great finisher. This goes for almost everything, not just knitting. I don't know why I'm so bad at it. I've got dozens of craft projects that I have various bits done, but they just languish for extended periods of time, sometimes they never get done. I've been a terrible procrastinator, pretty much my entire life, and I've always gotten myself in trouble because of it. I've just never gotten any better. I just don't have a whole lot of motivation or drive, even if it is something I love. It's always both surprising and rewarding for me when I actually do finish something, like my scuba instructor certification. I just hope I follow through on teaching, I spent a lot of money on it!! I mean, that's of course not my only motivation, I have such a strong passion for diving, there's almost nothing else in the world that I love more than diving. And I know that I will be a good instructor because of that. It's just follow through that I seem to lack. I always have ideas, but rarely do I do anything with them, or I don't finish what I start. Somehow, I did manage to finish college, with a degree in fine art, but I don't use my degree. I mean, knitting counts towards using my artistic abilities, but, I don't paint, or draw anymore, and I get to museums and galleries increasingly rarely. It makes me sad sometimes. Before diving, art was my main passion. I still love it, but I've fallen into complacency and I'm inherently lazy, and lack in my follow through. I've got a good paying job, and my company provides good health insurance for both my husband and I, so, in this economic environment, it's hard to give that up. Especially since Jeff is self-employed and insurance is either impossible to get or prohibitively expensive. Hmm, such is life.
Anyway, sorry for such a morose entry. It started out teasingly that I have a ton of knitting WIPs, and went to a psychoanalysis on myself. Eh, it happens.

My Life in Bullet Points

Hopefully I'll feel like posting from home soon, with pictures, just haven't felt like it when I get home.

• My grandfather passed away May 21, 2009.
• We almost lost our old dog Dexter 4 days before that.
• I planted a garden this year and just harvested spinach from it last night.
• We leave for Florida to go cavern diving for 3 days and reef diving on the Gulf for 2 days.
• In knitting news, June is officially Finish My UFO's month: finished a washcloth that has been sitting in my basket since December; February Lady sweater just needs buttons, ends woven in and washed/blocked.
• I've been reading like a fiend for some reason lately, finished Sarah's Key in 2 days and The Time Traveller's Wife in 5, now I'm a hundred pages into The Historian.
• My co-worker was fired yesterday, meaning work is going to be stressful for a while.
• We've dove a couple of times, but nothing super exciting, and no pictures.
• Obscene amounts of caffeine is the only thing getting me through the work day.
• I haven't been working out. At all.
• That's all for now

UFO Sightings and Updates

So, update on my grandpa, he's been released from the hospital and is now temporarily (hopefully!) in a nursing home much closer to home. He still needs to gain quite a bit of strength back. At least enough that he can get in and out of a wheelchair without assistance. They believe that the weakness was caused by a combination of his cholesterol medication (simvastatin) and his dialysis. He's been taken off of the statin and will be doing physical therapy to get his strength back, but the doctors are optimistic that he'll be able to go home within the next month or so, all depending on how hard he works. So, good news for the most part. My aunt and uncle brought my grandparents' Chesapeake Bay retriever Emma to see him, I think he was missing her more than anything else while he was in the hospital!

As for working out, I haven't run in about a week and a half=bad, but I did swim last Wednesday and plan to go again tomorrow evening=good! Diet is bad. I have zero willpower to eat right. I do good for breakfast, but lunch and dinner just fly out the window! Oh well...

So, UFO Sightings:

February Lady Sweater:

I'm getting there, slowly but surely. So much for having it done in February! Hopefully I can get it done in April!

Mossy Firestarters:

Had a heck of a time with the chart, still not sure if I'm doing it right, I guess we'll see!

The others... I don't want to talk about... :-) (that means no progress!)

Supposed to maybe go diving this Saturday, all depends on whether Jeff gets all of his tech gear together. His new Apeks regs came in today and he's got his wing and harness. He's still waiting on the metal fabricator in town to finish his backplates. So, we'll see! Hopefully, cause we're probably going to either Whitestar or Gilboa, both great places to dive here in Ohio!

Days like today, I just want to go home and curl up on the couch to knit...

Work has been stressful this week, cleaning up data in one database so we can build a new one, with a deadline of April 8. That's on top of everything else that I have to do. But the biggest thing is that my grandpa went into the hospital on Monday. He's been on periteneal dialysis since November, but just switched to a cycler at night 3 weeks ago. Since then, he's become weaker and weaker, and the doctors can't seem to figure out why. He's not in any pain and he's come off the oxygen (he's had emphysema for 15 years), but isn't gaining any strength back. He's not even able to pull himself up in bed or move his legs without help. Doctors have been putting him through test after test and can't figure out anything, but that's only when you can find anyone to talk to. Hospitals kind of suck sometimes. Not to mention its rainy and soggy outside, bad weather never helps anything.
On a good note, I got a delicious lunch from Noodles and Company. Japanese Pan Noodles with Sauteed Beef, yum! I don't know if it's good or bad that food is one of the few bright spots in today. I guess you gotta find joy in the small things... :-)